A Letter from Joe

Dear Mr. President,

My wife and I were having a conversation this morning about what we might do after the outbreak of civil war. I just thought I’d write to let you know how much I admire the facility with which your words, and that cute little O shape your mouth makes–like a little horn, have brought this country to its knees, ready to throw itself into war.

However, would you please direct those loyal men who fight for you, young and old, to look elsewhere than our house for violent engagement? We have nothing you want; we’re educated, thoughtful and compassionate people. We aren’t the sort of people you would like to hang out with. We have no land to speak of–just a little city plot with a cozy little bungalow–not even a spare bedroom for a guest, paying or not. Before retirement, we worked in education and public health, causes you might have heard of. They turn no profit of the monetary kind, just happier, healthier people.

Well, I had better let you get back to your golf game. I know your boys will take care of all that nasty work you have ahead of you, suppressing and intimidating democrats. So, here’s hoping you succeed in being the last man standing–alone in the United Graveyard of America. Have a nice day.

With due regards,
Joe Average

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